Living Fearlessly

This post is by Nicole Nelson, 1st United Methodist Church San Rafael:

 

Through the years, I have known people to give up all kinds of things for Lent- coffee, meat, chocolate (gasp!), facebook, even deodorant (which somehow made sense in college, I can't quite remember now why). As we approached this Lenten season, I wondered if I was feeling called to make a similar commitment that would sharpen my focus and remove some of the distractions that pull me from that deeper, joyful life that always seems to be just on the other side of my ever-growing to-do list.

 

As much as I would have just like to give up the list itself (sorry, sweetie, I'd love to take out the recycling, but it's Lent....), I couldn't really justify how living in squalor with two children would really bring anyone closer to God. And is that really what distracts me? Is it really the trips to the library, remembering preschool paperwork, a trip to Costco and cleaning the bathroom that stand in the way, or is it my thoughts, feelings and reactions to those things? If I am honest, it is the angst about fitting it all in, the fear of not doing enough and the drive to have things done 'right' are what pull me from the peace that I have known in less hectic times.

 

In this week's passage from Genesis (15:1-5), God says to Abram "Do not be afraid, Abram, I am your shield; your reward shall be very great" and Abram answers "O Lord God, what will you give me, for I continue childless...a slave born in my house is to be my heir."  God goes on to reassure Abram extensively and history bears that God makes good on this promise. But I wonder how many times God says to me "Nicole, I have an amazing vision for your life" and my answer is "Yes, Lord, but the laundry pile is so great and I need to make brownies for preschool right now."

 

But what if we lived fearlessly, as 'Citizens of Heaven' as Paul writes in Phillipians 3:20? How might my daily life look different? Could the trip to Costco be less about quickly getting my tasks done and instead seen as an opportunity for random acts of kindness toward stressed-out strangers? What would someone unhindered by fear tell her 3 year old about the homeless person talking to himself outside the library? Would a Citizen of Heaven hold a grudge against her spouse for not remembering to buy milk (again)? I am considering all these questions and many more. I've decided that for Lent this year, I will continue wearing deoderant and eating chocolate (thank you very much), but will be making little baby steps at living fearlessly, moment by moment.